I swear the toilet is where the most thinking takes place (I should study in the toilet).
A lot of things flooded my head while I was showering. Perhaps it was because I just replied to somebody's emo post on tumblr.
Just one of those nights when you cry yourself to sleep, when the walls come crumbling down and you feel like you have nobody to confide in. Even if there is somebody out there, you know you can't find the right words to convey how you really feel.
I KNOW HOW THAT FEELS. Like totally. That's why I replied to the post.
I'm not really sure if what I did was the right thing because sometimes,
(ok, at least for me) there are some people who can fill in these gaps perfectly but there are some who just simply accentuates your loneliness, depression, all the negativity.
So yeah, that was what I was thinking about while showering - did I make an acquaintance feel worse or did my words help.
It's not that we should not reply to people when they're obviously in the dumps. (You know that they need somebody to be there for them but are you the "right" one?) A little concern, a few words of comfort should.... be appreciated. I mean, afterall, we're all trying to be angels (what's wrong with being an angel...)
Nothing's wrong, definitely. But what if the person is someone like me.
I don't know, sometimes, when I'm feeling really down, I avoid coming online because I think I wouldn't be able to carry out my usual filled-with-a-lot-of-hahahahahas-convo
I may reply you with "mm. ok" throughout the conversation and that will suck - like, it'll be very obvious I'm so not in the convo
Back to how some people accentuates your negative feelings/thoughts - it's not directed to or at them but it's like.. how do I put it.......... you know they're trying to be nice but yet you just push them away because you don't exactly feel like telling them/can't find the right words to express how you really feel so you just give them the rather cold treatment.
I'm very guilty of this. And somebody once criticized me for it.
But I really cannot help it. It's like...................
I just think you're not the "right" person I want to talk to right now and talking to you doesn't make me feel any better (simply put, you don't fill the gaps I'm experiencing right now)
I appreciate your concern but I'd prefer to have some time of my own if you're not the person who can fill these gaps.
I wouldn't ask you to screw off or shut up but you'll be able to tell from my replies. like.. "lol.. ok.."
You'll know it's not ~normal~
Like Le Chatelier's Principle! (Or the channel morphology which adjusts itself according to it's discharge)
When the system is in a state of disequilibrium, it will react in a way to reduce that change so as to restore the equilibrium - in this case, if you come any closer to me, I will push you away
It happened once (?) and until today, I feel terribly sorry for what I've done because all my friend did was to show me concern. I have no idea why I did what I did - it was as if, it's like some mechanism
Then one day, I woke up and things felt right again.
I don't know what's the whole moral/aim/conclusion of this post. LOL
I just had to type out whatever that was in my head while I was showering - which explains why I was in there for so long. (Maybe I really think too much)
You can go figure out what you've learnt from this post. hahahahahahah
More about me perhaps? That I'm rather eccentric and now you probably don't know when you should/should not talk to me because you don't know if you're the "right" person or if you'll just make me feel worse which results in me not wanting to talk to you until one day, when I wake up and I feel "Ok. Back to normal." and the equilibrium is once restored.
ahh wells.
