Melt. Melt. Melt.

My eyes are dry. I'm tired.

Today's like.. free and easy. Teachers' Day celebration lasted till 11am?

From where I was sitting, I couldn't see whatever that was going on.. on the stage. But whatever. I was entertained still. There was this guy, sitting next to me, doing tutorial IN THE DARK.

IN THE DARK.

OMG. Why so mug? Life's supposed to be FUN. I mean.. yeah, mugging's important but ohmygod, when you're in the DARK? And when there's an ongoing celebration?

The guy was damn pro. He did some Physics (I heard him asking about what electric fields) then some essay stuff and after he did his work, he read newspapers. All in the dark ok! The source of light? His handphone. I don't want to laugh but damn it, "You have no life."

After Teachers' Day celebration, I went to meet Kelz and we just roamed around... This meeting, also, impromptu. Just like us.

But that's what I like. It's like.. whenever you need somebody, just a call, someone will be there for you.

. . .

I'm pretty used to being alone THEREFORE. I guess, I'll not ask anyone to do anything with me in future. Everything shall be IMPROMPTU. No expectations, no disappointments. In this case.

MMM.. So, today, we had lunch at.. Breeks Cafe. Then, after that we went to Topshop, Zara, Fox.. but didn't exactly find anything suitable soooooooo we decided, Bugis (Another wise impromptu decision made).

And I bought a Mickey Mouse top. Y. A. Y.

Finally. Something new in my wardrobe. I want to buy more clothes because the ones I have now are like......... I don't know, I feel like I've grown out of them. YAY. I've GROWN.

I bought only ONE top today. The strategy: To buy one piece at one time so that I won't appear to have bought a lot of clothes.

We shopped till we felt like, fainting. Thanks to the weather. I lunched alone at Mos Burger then went home, bathed, change then went back to school again.

Schoooooooooool. Because I can't think of a better place to go to.

How I wish I can just "plant" another random island.. like yaknow.. playdoh.. then join Singapore to it so we have MORE MORE MORE land.

While waiting for 961, I just stood there. Stoned. When the bus came, this uncle who helped to flag for the bus, talked to me. -_- I think I "HUH?" a lot of times.

The earpiece was in my ear and so how could I possibly hear. PLUS, it's not like I expected someone so random to talk to me.

Alighted at Coronation Plaza. Bought the usual stuff- "Go!" Marigold Chocolate milk.

And while queuing, I saw the chef(??) from Golden Rooster. The one who KEPT smiling at me while I was there.. eating alone. The seat I occupied was like.. in front of the kitchen and the guy just kept standing in front of me, smiling. He took a chair, sat down and whenever I looked up, he was smiling. -_-

Like as if I wasn't pathetic enough huhhhhh. Sitting there, trying to remove the skin from the FRIED CHICKEN, alone. -_-

Oh well. Goodnight.

I didn't exactly enjoy today.

I spent one entire day without my wallet... and also, with my left ear being blocked.

And I'm UPSET. Because I spent more than 10 dollars on food. :'(

That Golden Rooster... :(

I didn't want fried stuff so the aunty recommended what. Chicken chop. Aarg.. With FRIES. Damn it.

Then my ear. Blocked for one whole day. I couldn't hear properly.

Anyway, something embarrassing happened today. I stayed back to study in the reading room thennnn when it was about 9pm? I just didn't feel like studying anymore so I walked around the school... watched people play football.. went to the toilet for don't know how many times.. AND.. I went in to dance.. for a WHILE. Like, really SHORT while. Then this girl came in. OMG. I really didn't know if I should continue to dance or not... If I don't, then it'll be like, "Oh.. no. I'm exposed. Damn it." But if I do, then it's like... mmmm.. IMO, cooler.

HAHAHA! Like, "Yeah. I'm dancing. In the toilet. What's wrong?"

So I continued to dance.

And the girl left.

But yes, it was still awkward.... I CLEARLY was dancing in the toilet.

EMO-ed for a short short while but I shan't elaborate on that because it'll just get me all started again. Be happy be happy be happy.

I'm like, trying to psycho myself into being happy.

Maybe, only for today?

Those past few days, I was TRULY happy. Mhm.....

Ok, so I want to get that happy streak back again. Teachers' Day tomorrow. SIAN. JC. I don't see any teachers who deserve a gift. As in, not like they're not good at teaching or what but it's just that, I don't see anyone who actually made me feel like "Inspired"/"Motivated" to learn... to study.

Received my "demerit points report" today. Guess how much I got? 15. Damn it. 1555555555!

3 cases of truancy. I thought everytime I don't come to school, I sms-ed my CT. Whatever. I guess. WRITE LETTER.

I wanted to wear IJ blue for tomorrow... BUT SIAN. Must wear FAC shirt and school bottom.

:( BUT ANYWAY. I don't know where my mum packed my IJ uniform. :'(

SIANNNN. I MISSSSSSSSS IT.

Perhaps, I shall go back tomorrow. Or, maybe, go out to play...Shall see how.

Monday. Soon.

I'm currently, partially deaf in my left ear.

I thought it'd go away but it's likeeee still.. kinda blocked.

The water went in while I was showering but it's been really long already. Since... 1 plus? 2plus in the afternoon? Everything sounded kinda weird.

I tried asking people to blow into my ear. Listen to my iPOD. Use the hairdryer... hoping some hot air will make things sound better. Use a cotton bud BUTTTT to no avail! The sound of crunching a biscuit was MAGNIFIED.

I don't even know if I'm talking at NORMAL volume.

Today, I got kinda irritated.. becauseeeee. I just felt like, all thanks to studying, I've missed out quite a lot.. like, my TV programmes.. Because now I have my hubstation again so that means! I also have my VV drama channel. ANDDDD I want to watch some drama BUT I have no time to sooo.. I asked my mum to help me record then she asked "Did you even watch the previous episodes you recorded?" Then yeah, I answered in a tone that probably, mm.. sounded irritated... But I didn't mean to. I wanted to blame "spending time to study" for my lack of time for chilling.. Then I remembered.. studies are like, priority now. So I must RELAX. So what if I can't watch my VV drama channel now? Just wait till promos are over then I can watch all I want. Yes. Soooo. I managed to spend today without watch VV drama channel.

"J1s don't have to study that much." That's what people say BUT they don't know how badly I've performed. THEREFORE. I should just STUDY.

Seriously, everytime I can't find anything better to do. I'll just say "Study."

It's just so not me. Oh well, since I've got so much to catch up with. Don't want to stress myself out so I guess, I'll still spend time blogging.

I really love my life now. Dance when I feel like it. Go wherever I feel like to study. Study whatever I feel like. Stay out late till whatever time I feel like. And because I'm staying in school most of the time, I don't spend as much money. :D It's been like, 2 weeks? Or maybe just 1 and I realize, I actually still have a fifty dollar note in my wallet. :D

The only things I've been spending money on... FOOD. And "Go!" Marigold Chocolate Malt Milk. WITH LOTSA vitamins. HAHA!

Can't wait for promos to be over thennnn.. I'll be able to go out to play.

Monday's coming. Embrace the new day.

Good Life.

I'm gonna give all my secrets away~

LOVE this song.

Today's "Message from God" was that.. I talked to much to God and it's time to listen. HAHA!!

Just that day, someone said I talk a lot. Like, non-stop.

I don't knowwwww. BUT I take that as a compliment. *WINKS* Because that will make me happier. Sometimes, I do think so.. BUT if I were to not talk, I think it'll be really weird. And people who experienced that before, know how scary it is.... Like, totally cold, one-word replies.. SOOOOO I think, me talking is better than me not talking.

I think this "Message From God" application is really useful... I feel more like an angel after reading those messages. Mhmmmm..

Studied in school today and yay. I think I love my life now. HAHAH! Though it's just studying.. but I'm truly happy. School's like some playground..and I did force myself to study so I don't exactly feel guilty. Life's really good now. I hope days like these continue.

Shall listen to Good Life by OneRepublic. Oh oh oh! That day, I was helping to choose songs for next year's fac dance. And one of my recommendations - Up by Jesse McCartney was sorta, on Gordon's list. Another reason to make me smile and feel blessed. :D

His songs really changed over the years. The songs he sang last time were more... not as dance-y and rapper-wannabe. BUT ANYWAY, whatever.. Both good and bad.

I have "Up" here on my playlist. :D Smiling again.

Tomorrow's Sunday. And it'll be ONE GOOD DAY. :D

Reasons for me to smile. Aplenty.

Lone mugging session.

These days, I can always find something (at least one thing) to make me feel like "I'm blessed." Seriously. HAHAH! And when I'm feeling good, everything goes RIGHT! :D

And today was another mugging session. At the reading room.

Today's different because I was alone.

I really felt and truly understood what it meant to be ALONE.

CT was lame. IMO.

There was supposed to be like a talk to get us motivated to study for promos but NAH, I'm not motivated by the talk/video/game at all.

Seriously. We could choose between playing some inter-CT game or some SERIOUS talk about our BT results and about promos.

I would choose the latter. Because the game was clearly not useful.

Whatever the case, I'm really trying to study hard now. I hope whatever I do pays off at the end of the day though I know success requires more than 1 try.

Oh well.

After CT, I went to look for random empty classroom study in because I seriously couldn't think of anything better to do and also, anywhere else to go.

Library- no bags allowed and I don't like that.

Reading room- makes me feel like I'm taking some exam because people all around me will be studying.

THEREFORE. Classroom's the best. I can have my own personal space, adjust the aircon to whatever temperature I like. I can talk (if there's someone with me--> just SHORT chitchats these days) Yeah, that's because my muggingpartners are all pretty serious now SOOOO I don't want to.. lag.

Classroom of the day: A210.

I was all alone and I had the entire room to myself. Read a bit on Econs... then fell asleep for just a while BECAUSE I was greeted by a lot of people, with their violins, cellos etc.

They seriously startled me because the room was initially DEAD SILENT but then those people came in and started playing music. Sooo, I had no choice but to move out and SO.. Next destination, reading room.

Dinner time was pretty.. pathetic. I went to Coro, listened to my iPOD on the way so I can just ignore those people in groups. Since I was alone, I grabbed just sushi? And a can of coffee.

Felt a little weird because I was like eating sushi as I was walking to school... then people around me all seemed "occupied". Like, they had people with them but I was like, some loner with my sushi. -_-

Whatever whatever whatever. Cool people do things their way.

"Alone" was weird but I feel blessed because at least, I'm not afraid of being alone. :D

So I stayed till 8 plus going to 9pm? Tomorrow shall be another school day for me.

Amanda Chan and I should seriously just camp in school already.

Yesterday's blogpost.

SCHOOL nowwwww!
Yesterday, I stayed in schooltill 9pm tooooooo study. YUP. I STUDIED OKKKK.
Amanda Chan and I were looking for empty classrooms.. and JUST when we did.. we got chased out. Before that, I actually got ourselves A411 but some people wanted to share and it was kinda weird soo.. ANYWAY! THE MAIN POINT IS:

WE didn't get ourselves a classroom until like.. 4pm??
And we got it through chasing other people out of their classroom.

Those peeps looked like.... They just don't look intimidiating and telling them we've got something on is like, the only way we can have the entire classroom to ourselves. They looked like they were going to leave the classroom anyway..

THENNN at about 5 plus, we got chased out by the security guard.
-_-

I think it's kinda lameee. Like, why do you even need to lock classrooms? There's nothing to steal from there. Why can't we bring bags into the library? It's not like we're going to steal their books... School rules. Hard to comprehend.

Currently having PW. Today's FRIDAYYYY. Fridayyyyyyyyyy~
Somehow, it's true. When you're happy, things tend to go your way. HAHA! When we try to fight with life, we tend to lose. Oh welll~
Amanda Chan went home by car and on my way home, I don't know why but I was thinking of some Chemistry question she asked me and we were like sms-ing...
Topic? Chemistry.
-----
Just now, during Geography lecture, I was soooo hungry. And my stomach was growling. :S
It's just damn awkward especially when the LT's all quiet suddenly. THEREFORE! I went out to the canteen to get myself food. AND FOR LONG TERM SOLUTION..
I decided that I should keep a packet of biscuits in my bag. :D

Guess I'll probably stay in school to study again later.. And tomorrow. Yay. Life=Studying now.

Today, I had my Chemistry SPA. ANDDDD YAY!! It's finally OVER.

I forgot what's a measuring cylinder at that time and used a beaker. Wanted to redo but.. I think if I did that, I wouldn't have time to finish the part at the back.

Inserted the thermometer the wrong way BUT I corrected myself okkk.

It should be fine. I finally drew a Hess Cycle. HAHA! FINAAAALLY.

I should thank Jing Rong for that. This is like, the first time I ever drew a Hess Cycle by myself. :D

MMMM... After that, I went to the library to try to study but fell asleep. When I woke up, I was feeling hungryyyy... So I went to eat THEN go back to the library again. Stayed till the library closed, about 8.45pm?? So I DID try to study today.

ANYWAY! I think the ONE BEST THING I did today was to read this book on how to be happy.

I thought it was pretty good. Spent probably 30 minutes reading it but it's worth the time. I think I learnt about quite a lot of stuff. It's like stuff we usually hear but just can't and wouldn't want to bring ourselves to do.

I learnt about The Law of Seed which says you have to plant A LOT of seeds for one tree because not all seeds grow- In other words, we have to try many times in order to succeed. HAHAHHAHAH! OKKK FINE...

Shall go off now. :D

COME ONNNNN

Helped to look for some songs for Athena Fac Dance 2011.

Andddd I found this song.. and it was accompanied by the OFFICIAL MV. So.. I linked it to Gordon and listened to it myself and since the video was there... I watched?? AND yuckyuck, the MV was kindaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa wrongg. You know I'm too innocent for that sort of stuff.

So, I minimized it and listened just to the song.

The song's damn highhhhh. It was 11 plus? And I felt like dancing all thanks to that song. Clubbish thoughhh. BUT HIGH! That's like the MAIN point.

I've been like studying in random classrooms these few days..

WELLLLLL I don't know if I should say "Productive" or not.

Productive---> I really did read my notes and did a bit of stuff?

Unproductive--> After a while, I'll start to walk around the classroom.. for like, n no. of rounds.

Life's been pretty good. At least, that's what I think.

The year's coming to and end. Promos promos promos now. I better go study something. At least, SOMETHING. Met a friend on the bus today (on my way to school) and saw how determined she is.. since her O's are approaching.

O level year was great. I don't exactly know.. By right, I should have done very badly. But I didn't.

During PW, there was this group who was doing a project on single-parent families. They talked about what... children tend to have low self-esteem, perform badly in their studies, anti-social.. but I think I'm like ??

I don't know? I didn't perform badly during my O level year?

I'm not anti-social? In fact, I can be a bittt over-friendly.

I don't have low self-esteem.. Not exactly.

For all the above. I feel blessed. Because I'm special. I'm not as weak as I thought I was.

I shall put Japple to sleep now. Goodnight!!

Sunday. No Monday blues.

Hello. Today, I almost fell out of a train.

On my way to Jurong East, I was leaning against the door (BECAUSE the sides were occupied!)

I wanted to lean against some surface so that I can look at the passing scenery.

Unfortunately, from where I was stood, on my left was this pair of lovebirds... hugging and "yaknowthosestuffloversdo" so I didn't want to appear to be staring at them...

To my right was this Indian man, deep in thoughts. If I were to turn to that side, it'll be kinda weird also? Since he'll probably think I'm looking at him, checking him out probably~

Oh wellllll.. So I just stared straight. Leaned against the door and I didn't realize the door was supposed to open MY side.

I was just.. looking at the opposite side and I was thinking "Why does it seem like the train on the other track is so close to this train?? Like.. how can people get out of this train if the two trains are side-by-side?" I was just like.. pondering and didn't even realize, I'm leaning on that side where people are supposed to exit from. ...

BUT I didn't fall in the end! Because the Indian man who was deep in thoughts alerted me.

Come to think of it, I've encountered nice people a few times this week.

Mhmmm... Their actions may be small but definitely not insignificant. Everytime someone does something nice to me, or if I were to do something nice/kind, I'll just feel like... "This world's great." And I'll be happyhappyhappy for the entire day. Yesterday, when I went back to school, I dropped by at Coronation Plaza to get chocolate malt milk "GO"-->That's the name of the milk. Then, the queue was rather long and people in front of me bought quite a lot of stuff. The lady in front of me realized I needed to pay for just a packet of milk so she let me go first. And I felt touched. HAHAHAHA!! What an angel~ May God bless her.

Little actions go a long way and so I hope, someday, I'll be able to make a difference in someone's life too.

Anyway, I got to know this girl today.. Andddddd. I said something rather foolish. Or rather, asked.

I asked her if she was Singaporean. I totally forgot Singaporeans can be Malay/Chinese/Indian/etc. Maybe it's because of Hwa Chong.

Yeah, so I asked her and she said "I'm Malay." I don't know, felt kinda mm.. embarrassed. HAHA!!

Econs test tomorrow. Tomorrow, I guess, shall be a beautiful Monday.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

After watching Sorcerer's Apprentice, I fell in love with "Secrets" all over again.

Study.

Another Saturday spent in school.

But today was a little different because Kellee Lim joined me. Yay yay yay.

Studied Econs in the reading room... BASICALLY, today can be summed up with one word. "Study"

I don't recall memorizing anything but mmm.. I guess, I understand better now. I guess.

Just watched a show on TV.. about some..

"Long Neck Tribe".

After watching the show, I feel... like, their perseverance should be admired.

It's damn gross. Ok, not GROSS gross BUT! It's soooo painful to watch. They have like 21 coils? Or even more on them and it was first coiled onto them while they were about 5? The show revealed how they uncoiled- they seldom uncoil because the muscles within the neck would have weakened and thus, not be able to support the weight of the head. AND YOU CAN DIEEEEE FROM THAT.

I watched them and I just felt like puking. Somehow. Because it just seemed so uncomfortable. The weight of those brass coils.. make your shoulders SLOPE downwards, making your neck seem longer. Then, the bruises. :((

-EDUCATIONAL-

The thing is, those women said they wore neck rings for beauty purposes. LIKE HOW CAN IT BE?! It just looked soo weird. With LONG LONG LONG necks then you'll look like you're taller than your husband? Oh well. Thank God I'm in Singapore.

(Oh I found out why, because SLENDER neck is attractive)

Just deactivated my Formspring. HAHA!! I shall activate it again when I feel like it.

Frustrations. Are self-inflicted. Therefore, I decided and choose to be frustration-free by not thinking of all those funny/emo/redundant stuff... and CARE for people who are currently in my life.

Adapted from some note on Facebook.

MARRIAGE

When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I've got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly.

She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?

I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn't love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company.

She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane.

When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month's time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day.

She requested that every day for the month's duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Jane about my wife's divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don't tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside
the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me.

On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn't tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me... she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that our life lacked intimacy.

I drove to office.... jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind...I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart.

Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.

At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - dead.
My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push thru with the divorce.-- At least, in the eyes of our son--- I'm a loving husband....

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse's friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!

If you don't share this, nothing will happen to you.

If you do, you just might save a marriage.
Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.

A CHRIST-CENTERED MARRIAGE IS A MARRIAGE THAT IS SURE TO LAST A LIFETIME.

So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate. Matthew 19:6.

By Stephanie Halmilton

MUGGINGclique

Woah life. For the past two days, I've been trying to force myself to do my work.

Haven't been pushing myself much.

Actually, I really don't know if I'm even under stress or not. I know I cried that day..... because of something rather trivial.... Something to do with me being sick --> Didn't take a test --> Cannot retake the test --> And so.. my results will be made up by those other tests I did for the past terms? I don't know but lousy ones.

I cried because I really thought I'd do better for that one I missed. But oh well, it's not like I can do anything about it now.

Then I heard my mum talking to my CT over the phone saying "I never asked her about her studies because I know she'll do her own revision..." AND yeah, I felt damn guilty.

Everyone thought I was busy studying at home but no :(

I'm ALWAYS on Facebook :(

I neglected my studies. :( My bad.

And so I decided to keep myself in school to study/do whatever homework..

Yeah.. so it was dinner time then I just started tearing all of a sudden and everyone just. Stopped. HAHA!

They asked me not to pressure myself too much but NOOOO. I don't think I'm even pressuring myself :( They said it's ok if I don't do well..

It'll be OK as long as I can get promoted (BUT NOOO. Then I don't meet my own expectations.) Even if I retain, it's alright as well. (BUT NOOOO... :( How can EVERYTHING be alright?!)

Optimism is the way to go but if I were to think that way then... I wouldn't even get anything done.

Yesterday was study session with Weiqing, Shuting and Amanda. It was quite productive. The classroom was quiet and mmm... just A BIT of chatting but at least, we all did study something. So proud of myself. :D HEE HEEEEEE

** Oh yeahh! I heard someone laughing like that on the bus that day, "HEE HEEEEE" and I thought "how retarded was that man~" Now I know how retarded I sound. But it's better to sound retarded than to be all serious. *WINKWINK*

Today was study session with Sylvia, Shuting and Amanda... and I did manage to finish something :D So YAY! BUTTTT... I think my Chemistry and Econs still CMI.

On my way home yesterday, I was like thinking of random stuff then I got all reminded of..... Ok, nevermind, skip the EMO part.

Countdown: Excluding weekends, I still have... 6 more days to next Friday. :(((((((((

Today, Miss Chen saw me and the ONE thing she said "Cheryl.. study hard."

I gave her my MC and was about to leave for break and she said "Take your study materials to the shade then study." Oh mannnnn~

Studystudystudystudy. :(

And I thought I was going to die today.

I had a bad bad day. :(

Woke up in the morning, ate some chiffon cake that was supposedly expired but still edible. My stomach already felt weird while I was still at home but I thought it was normal. My stomach always hurts like suddenly.. it's on and off. When it hurts, the pain is excruciating. Not everyday though.. today's pain was the worst.

On my way to school, I felt like puking but I thought it was perhaps nothing and that it was just something... psychological. ...

I closed my eyes throughout the journey, hoping to be able to feel better.

Listened to the songs that I thought, probably, able to distract me? (You know you love me, I know you care. Just shout whenever, and I'll be there~)

-Nausea-

The first place I headed to when I reached school was the toilet. -PAIN AGAIN (Like right now)-

Eh? Ok. Class bench first then toilet. I stayed in the toilet for more than an hour I guess.

I had diarrhoea then vomited. There were quite a lot of people queuing to use the cubicles (I could hear them chattering...) and I bet they must be wondering why THAT cubicle is always occupied. Missed the Math lecture test. Missed Chemistry SPA.

I really thought I was going to die in our school- our school's toilet -_-

Seriously, I felt so weak, I found difficulty sending sms-es. And my phone has touch screen so you can imagine how weak I was.

Totally felt like fainting.

If not for Xin Lin and Audrey, I think I would have stayed in the cubicle till noontime.

Immensely grateful for the friends I have.

Stayed in the sick bay for awhile before my mum came to fetch me to see a doctor.

The doctor only gave me MC for today!!!

I hope I'll be fit enough to go to school tomorrow. Hopefully.

Currently craving for avocado juice. Fresh avocado juice!!!!!!

Iced MILO sounds nice too. :D

Stomach stomach, please get well soon. I don't want to experience pain after every few minutes. It sucks.

Medicine at 5 pm then I guess, I'll probably try to sleep again.

Anyway, the doctor said I may be having gastritis- inflammation of lining of stomach.

And also, I can always (Somehow) feel my stomach.. churning! I can hear it at times also. I hope it's nothing serious! :(

He said if the pain persists ( I think?), he'll give me a jab.

I don't want jabs! :( I want nothing but avocado juice now but I think that'll make me puke.

Puking sucks. :(((

3 more minutes to medicine time. See ya!

I wanna get well soon so that life will be as colourful as a RAINBOW~

HAHA! Eh? I just realized the word "rainbow" has seven alphabets!! Which means I can use a different colour for each alphabet! How coooool.

MEDICINE TIMEEEE.

REMINDER: It's Friday the 13th tomorrow

Amanda Chan just told me that.

Please bring a good luck charm or something. Just in case.

I once read it in Archie Comics, Betty wore a necklace with some four-leaves clover.. and she didn't talk for the entire day. In the end, everyone around her got injured and stuff and she was safe. So what.... Should I not talk for the whole day tomorrow?? HAHAHHA!!!

Maybe I should try. That'll be a real challenge.

Geography test tomorrow and I'm here blogging.

I read through the notes once but I don't know if I can remember the content or not. Oh well~

CIP on Saturday.

Math lecture test on Monday. I totally forgot everything... all the upcoming events..

Somehow, I really want to try not talking for one whole entire day tomorrow.

I want to do the cotton candy CIP. :(( But I have remedial... :((

With no dance practice after school tomorrow, what should I do???

Oh right, today, we were talking about something related to Marina Bay Sands..

YOU KNOW I THOUGHT THAT FLOATING PLATFORM THING.. WAS REALLY FLOATING???

Like.. I thought if you jumped or something then you can feel the entire platform moving.. but NO IT WASN'T! It didn't moveeeeee! It wasn't as.. "jelly-like" as I thought it would beeee! :(

Back to Geography now. Tomorrow, shall be a day of silence. PLEASE REMIND ME NOT TO TALK. :X

IN PAIN RIGHT NOW.

I shan't elaborate on whatever I'm feeling now. HAHAH!

Today's YOG thing in our school was kinda... fail. There were performances and stuff but

1) It was so WARRRRRRM

2) No space to stand

3) Cannot see anything at all

4) Everyone was towering over me and I felt like I was suffocating

5) They didn't give us the damn fan until like.. when the thing was about to start? The High School dudes got the fans first and they didn't even use the fan as a FAN. I was dyingggggg.

Seriously can't take heat well.

Some random guy (photographer) tried to snatch my fan away from me okkkk!

We were all sooo yucky.. with the sweat YUCK YUCK.

Couldn't take it so I went to bathe at SRC as recommended by a Sim Zhi Jian. BUT! There were no showers available in the ladies so you know where I went to.

Jing Rong said a guy went in and went out again after seeing the both of us in there.

HAHAHA!!

After school, I watched the... YOG rehearsal.

EVERYONE SHOULD WATCH IT ON TV EVEN IF NOT LIVE OK! DON'T MISS IT!

HAHAH! It's rather.. spectacular. :D

Just now, I waved to someone I didn't know. But that's because he waved.

AND I DON'T KNOW WHY... I thought he looked rather familiar and I just kept looking at him then maybe because of that...

On my way to watch the YOG rehearsal, my mum asked/talked to me about relationships and boyfriends etc. AGAIN.

She was asking me if my friends all have boyfriends.. if I have one...

I said "No" and she didn't believe me. What the...

ANYWAY!! I saw Steve Appleton. Sean Kingston wasn't there so there was some.. imposter. HAHAHA!

Oh well, I want to go shopping. My mum said something about some jacket at Zara. I didn't bother listening and I replied "Not like I can buy.. why talk about it in the first place..." HAHAH! Then! She said that one is not bad so I can buy it. YAY. So when should I go shopping.........

KAP NEEDS MASSIVE IMPROVISATION.

I'm very irritated now.

THANKS TO FORMSPRING. That's one reason why I deactivated my account last time. I really feel like cursing and swearing RIGHT NOW.

Chill chill chill.

What did I do today?

Tried studying by myself at KAP today.

Admired the clouds on my way home.

There's something really weird about my iPOD. REALLY WEIRD.

I have this skin for it... the skin's ON but after a while.. it'll be like... off my iPOD.

It's like... my iPOD's stripped naked! Why is everything soooo weird?!

Formspring. Then Facebook. Then my iPOD.

Damn it, I shall leave my iPOD naked then.

On a random note, I think Macdonald's should come up with a new menu. WHY ARE THERE LIKE.. SO FEW DESSERTS TO CHOOSE FROM?

I stood in front of the counter and I couldn't decide what to eat. Not because there are too many to choose from but because the choices are so limited, I don't know what to eat.

The only thing under "Dessert" is that Cinnamon Melts and I don't want to eat it again because it's SOOOOOO SWEEEEEEET.

It'll be ok if it's as sweet as I am but it's WAY too sweet. Shit, what am I talking about.

BUT one thing I would like to compliment on.. the service is not bad. I wouldn't say it's SUPERB because the are all SO ENTHU... A little TOO enthusiastic...

I walked down the stairs then it's as though.. they're DESPERATE to serve some customer... Hilarious.

OH! ONE MORE NEGATIVE POINT!

THE TOILET BOWL IS ALWAYS CLOGGED UP!

Almost everytime I go to KAP, there'll be two cubicles with clogged up toilet bowls.

On my way home, I was staring at the clouds. Like.. throughout the entire journey.

THEY'RE BEAUTIFUL. HAHA!

Speaking of clouds.. I'm supposed to sell cotton candy this Fridayyyyyyy...

I don't think I'm the one operating the machine huh...... I want to make cotton candy with LOADS of different colours......

Another school day tomorrow. The holidays have ended. Sadddd. BACK TO REALITY!

Cheryl Tan Si Rong, you need to grow up.

I see my younger bro growing up and getting more mature with each passing day.

AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO FEEL!

I'm supposed to be the elder sibling but yet! I'm acting like a kid! :(

I'm constantly thinking of games to play..... errrr... Recently, I was thinking of buying board games but I can't think of anyone to play with! BECAUSE my brother will probably find me childish. Oh wellllll~

I should be happy because my brother's kinda like.. taking care of me BUTTTT as I feel quite BADDDDD :( I'm supposed to be the one taking care of him! TSKKKKKK!

Anyway, I spent National Day with Sylvia Chung today. HAHA! AND GUESS WHERE?

IN OUR FAVOURITE PLACE! SCHOOL!

I find it rather ironic. I've been complaining about school and saying how sucky it is but on holidays? I actually... went back there.

It was great! Sylvia Chung and I had the whole school to ourselves. :D

We studied then.... DANCED! Went over to PE studio to dance. Tried to relive that "Amplify" concert at Sylvia's class bench.

Lunch was like... sushi and chocolate milk from Cold Storage. HAHA! I ate quite a lot! AND I FINISHED all my sushi! Had about 11?

Sylvia and I saw 3 half-naked guys somewhere near her class bench after we returned from dancing. HAHA!!! Felt kinda weird!

Tomorrow... I'll probably go to school again.

-END-

Happy Birthday SINGAPORE! HAPPY BIRTHDAY SPINYYYY!

What did I do for the past few days?

Met up with Jing Rong and Charis.

Had a failed camwhoring session. HAHAH! But it was fun though. SO MUCH LAUGHTER.

Went out to meet Kelz then Sylvia.

And today... National Day.

I'll probably be meeting Sylvia and maybe Amanda. Actually, I thought I was supposed to meet someone....... Like Kellee Lim. Or is it Tuesday? Charis also. I was supposed to be meeting her.

Oh well. Next time. Then I'll bring Japple along and we can camwhore till we go crazy.

That day, I was so fascinated by the fact that bus 170 goes all the way to Johor Bahru.

If only JB was like.. in another time zone. Like.. Maybe night in Singapore = Day in JB, WOAH! Then I think I'll be travelling to and fro very frequently. Just so to stay in the day and feel like.. there's no end to my day.

Actually, I typed this post halfway yesterday then Japple ran out of battery. Oh well.

I think I haven't been doing anything stupid these days. The last stupid thing I did was probably.... when I tried to open that packet of powder for the shaker fries then the powder went into my eyes and nose.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

My days were boring.

I want to touch a cloud.

I want to sit on top of one.

I want to slide down a rainbow and maybe, paint myself with some colours as I slide..

I want to stand on the moon.

I want to go to fairyland.

I want a fairlyodd parent.

I want to build a treehouse.

I want a garden with manyyyyyy beautiful white flowers. (But no, I wouldn't have time to water and fertilize, whatever.)

I want to collect a bottle of golden dust. (Though I have no idea where I can get them.)

IN CONCLUSION, I just don't want to study.

But I have to so I better do it.

And anyway, studying is way better than working out there. Working is soooo tiring. I've experienced it before and it's not like I'll be able to work with my friends like how I did. :(

And when I'm in my twenties, I doubt people will still help me with work just because I'm small. You're like supposed to be independent and mature.. etc.

Life just wouldn't be as fun anymore so I better have all the fun I want now. In my teenage years.

NATIONAL DAY CELEBRATION

TODAY WAS DAMN CHAOTIC.

Gordon Goh was beside me and it was seriously OMG.

Firstly, it was just a few discs flying about. We were at the second level so we could see people getting hit on their heads and their epic reactions. Then, more discs came flying out.

The first part of the celebration was... I don't know, as if everyone were just doing their own stuff. THE PEEPS BELOW ME, DOING TUTORIALS OK!

And I was just stoning most of the time.

Then, we sat by the edge of some "railing" and it was all fine until some teacher walked over. Everyone (Not EVERYONE but those sitting like how I was sitting) got down immediately- most of them. I didn't see the teacher and was still sitting there, with my legs dangling..

I was thinking why everyone got down. Was there some Guest Of Honour or Minister? Then I saw and OMG, luckily I was small enough so I could just slip off that thing. Anyway, I didn't know I was actually spotted (since I was the last few who got off that thing) and I was supposed to meet the teacher? HAHA! I didn't know until Swan told me just now. HAHHA!!

During the singing of those National Day songs.. someone was spotted, studying. LIKE. EVERYONE WAS STANDING UP, singing and he was like in the middle of nowhere, studying. LIKE WOAH. HAHA! Impressive. Being able to concentrate when it was so chaotic. With flying discs and people all around you, some jumping...

After that, I went over to Kellee's place. Got lost on my way there. Firstly, I alighted at the wrong bus stop. So.. I had to take another bus to alight at the next stop.

Then, secondly, I went to the wrong condominium. I went into some place called Hume Park and I was like "Eh?? Looks different." Plus, there was like Hume Park 1 and Hume Park 2.

And I called "So? Hume Park 1 or 2?"

"HUH??" HAHAHHA!!

Oh well, so I walked up to Kelz's place and what did we do... chat then.. went to Plaza Singapura for lunch then... movie at Cathay.

We almost went into the gents. BUT IT'S NOT OUR FAULT!

The picture of the "Male" looked like a woman.. with short hair and lipstick...

Today was not bad. :) OH! AND ALSO! Kelz and I, we were asked to help some group (probably football fanatics) take a photo then there was this footballer. FREAKIN' HOT. LIKE O-M-G.

HAHAHA! Really!!! He looked like those who.. you can only see on TV shows but never in your life. WOAH. "Kelz! It's a wonder, you didn't drop the camera while holding onto it or stare at the screen, mesmerized by him." HAHAH!

But anyway, too old. So.. HAHA!

Goodnight and sweet dreams! :D

Nothing much today.

And I cut my hair today.

Damn it.

Wanted to cut just the fringe but I thought, since I was cutting and washing for 22 dollars, I might as well cut the back too. And so, it's like layered a little at the back, tying will be a bit of a challenge. Let's see if I even have time to tie my hair tomorrow. I can push my fringe to the side, but it'll be VERY VERY VERY SHORT. Like, above my eyebrows so I think better not.

I went into the salon and was thinking if I should flash a namecard- the hairdresser who cut my hair the previous time gave me his namecard, but oh well, I didn't. Then, they led me to the salon chair and the guy who was in charge of cutting my hair came over and YAY it was the same guy.

Please don't be mistaken. I'm not interested in him but he's a nice hairdresser so I like him! HAHA! He asked me to wait for awhile and he'll get someone to wash my hair. And the guy who washed my hair this time? The same guy who washed my hair the other time.

HAHA! And the same thing happened again, he was like shampooing then massaging the neck and I almost jumped out of my seat- Neck. It's kinda ticklish.

MMM.. Nothing much happened these few days. Break was like 2 hours today because PE was like... "own module" -because I'm still sick.

Then we chilled at canteen then Zen garden then the office.. College Reception then in front of the basketball courts.

After school ended, I had lunch in school before going for my haircut.

Walked by the same route home and I got reminded of how I almost got into a car accident like thriceeee yesterday.

I didn't notice the oncoming vehicles. Don't know what I was even doing.

Then, as I was walking towards the food centre, walking VERY SLOWLY and I turned behind and saw.. Some car was like moving VERY SLOWLY also, thanks to me. HAHHA!

Deputy Principal talk yesterday. Oh well, the same ol' thing. Study hard.

Like who the hell doesn't know.

The thing is "How do you get motivated?!" I've slacked so much, it's hard to get me to sit down to study. I told Miss Chua and she was kinda surprised? Because she didn't think I'd be THAT SLACK. Damn.

Year 1's gonna be over soon and I'm like still floating about, in my own little bubble.

HAHA! Shyam mentioned something about living in a bubble today.

I know that there're people around me and that my actions do make an impact on others but mmmmmmmm... somehow.. I don't know, I'm still like living just as a Cheryl Tan Si Rong. Ok, in any case, it's better than living like a SZJ (HAHA! SORRY DUDE, just had to say that.)

--LATE--

I'm always, not always. ALMOST always late for school.

But most of the time, I can't help it! The bus just doesn't come on time! :(

Not like ON THE DOT.. But there were quite a few times when there are like a few more 961s at following the first 961 and it's just frustrating!

So, the only choice I have- is to wake up EARLIER.

I was almost late today but I took taxi in the end so.. I wasn't. Cannot afford to be late anymore. I don't know how many demerit points I've accumulated.

How I wish.. I can use them to redeem some gift. :D

HAHAHA! Then everyone will LOVE demerit points! <:o)

You're amazing, just the way you are.

And I spent my entire day feeling drowsy.

I woke up at 6am then went back to sleep because I clearly wasn't in a state suitable to go to school. Seriously. With fever, sore throat and cold, what learning can take place?

Oh well. I woke up at 12pm?

Ate something light. Then took medicine in the late afternoon and went to sleep again.

Anyway, "Just The Way You Are" is a great song.

It's kinda sweet. The lyrics.

I mean, most songs today talk about what.. butt, boobs, sex etc.

All on the surface, nothing about true blue beauty.

This song is just perfect. Clean. Beauty as the way it should be.

I used up loads of tissue paper today. Stupid nose of mine.

Please. I hope to be a little more energetic tomorrow... And I'm supposed to attend a meeting with the deputy principal.

Uh-oh.

What's happened to me?

Amanda Chan said it's something to do with results. I just saw the email and I was like under "Extremely Serious Case" for suspension and I thought I was borderline? At least, that's what I was told? Ohhh well~

I need tonic. HAHAH! I'm so weak.

I don't want to spend my long weekend being sick. :( Get well soooooooon.

The place where I'm living at now, I get to look up at the stars from wherever I'm sleeping. If only I had perfect eyesight, then I'll get to see the stars CLEARLY and not like.. some shade of black, dark blue, whatever. I wonder if UFOs exist. If they do, I hope they land on our country someday. What am I thinking?

I guess, I just want to leave Earth to go to some other planet. HAHA!

I want to befriend an alien.

I want to build a house on the moon and look down to Earth.

I'm so going crazy.

I've screwed my life up. FML.

From skipping school to paying the deputy principal a visit. FML.

What have I done? I'm constantly looking for "illegal" things to do just so to make my life more exciting. I guess it's time to pull myself back, don't want to fall any deeper.

Life.

Marina Bay Sands

ERRR.. It wasn't like SUPERB.

I went to the shopping area and the shops there are tooooooooooo high-class.

It's like, you wouldn't even dare to step into them.

Oh well. Restaurants, Jewellery shops, VERY BRANDED apparel.. how fun can it be when you can't buy anything from there?! :(

I think, the main problem is that, the place is just too adult for me.

Went for a buffet that cost like $80 per person but ours was paid using some points.. I d0n't know what. Some membership card.

Not bad but definitely can be improved. HAHA!

The toilets also! SHOULD BE IMPROVED. The toilets are just not on par to the standard of Marina Bay Sands.

Some relative of mine suggested to my mum that I should be considered as a kid.

Just tell them I'm like 12 or 13 and maybe, it'll cost lesser.

In the end, we still paid the price for an adult since a child is 13 and below.

Ok, pictures taken during the buffet.

IMO.

Vivo City is way better.

Because it's not TOO high-class and it's not like some very random neighbourhood mall, so everyone (Majority?) can go over there and it's nice to see some bengz and lianz around..

HAHAHA! SOMETIMES. I mean, those are the little things that make shopping enjoyable.

With food that's affordable, shops catering to teens and not like solely adults... with bengz and lianz and their funny dress sense - all the skinny jeans of every possible colour you can find on a rainbow..

SIGHS. End of post.

Why am I sighing? Thought I just read some book on optimism.