Nah, it's not all too bad but bad enough.
I used to think I've got everything under control until last night when all of a sudden, everything came crumbling down. If I were to name one regret, that'd be you, dad.
My greatest ever.
Yeah man.
Do you know how I feel exactly whenever it's nearing occasions like, Chinese New Year, Father's Day, Christmas....
I don't know :o/ When everyone's out there celebrating all together, and when they tell me about the stuff they do with their dads.. I can only acknowledge with silence. Smile then probably try to change the topic or something.
I haven't been strong enough.
We all know some people try to relieve themselves of pain through cutting.
And I don't know whether to feel happy for myself- I don't cut simply because I'm too afraid to see blood oozing. flowing. dripping. Though also, I know, cutting wouldn't solve anything.
All in all. I feel really bad sometimes whenever I get reminded of how, I actually did nothing. How I always keep mum. But what could I have done differently.
My life's indeed way better with you out of my life but. still.
While others will run towards their dad, give him a hug perhaps if they see him on the streets.
As for me. I think, I'd most probably turn and walk in the other direction.
Am I really supposed to wait and find out your side of the story in heaven?
I have a wound inflicted within me. And I guess the only thing I am going do is - Smile, ignore the pain and continue walking. After all, I've done it long enough.
+Don't worry. I won't cut myself. I really just needed to blog and I guess if people do judge then so be it. Thank you for "hearing" me rant.
